


The Only Way You Can Know (Is Give It All You Have)

by Miaou Jones (miaoujones)



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Established Relationship, Friendship, Getting to Know Each Other, Illustrated, M/M, Oral Sex, Secret Relationship, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-12 12:22:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2109765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Miaou%20Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto has his reasons for swimming the 200m free the way he did. Not everyone understands—but some at least try to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Only Way You Can Know (Is Give It All You Have)

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate timeline and spoilers for S02E06 and S0207.
> 
> Sincere thanks to everyone who took the time to share theories on why Makoto swam the way he did in the 200m free; even if I didn't use your idea specifically, it helped shape the way I thought and rethought about that aspect of this fic.
> 
> Special thanks to summerbutterfly, who listened to my original idea about that race and encouraged me to go for it in the end. Thanks also and all credit to her for serving as the main swimming consultant on this one: Sousuke's thoughts on the technical aspects of both races depicted here are drawn largely, and sometimes verbatim, from her notes. (Anything that isn't technically correct is an error or whim on my part.)
> 
> Most heartfelt thanks to clockworkmoon for the seriously lovely gift art (included at the end of the fic)!
> 
> Finally, the title comes from lyrics to OneRepublic's "I Lived," which has somehow become my soumako song.

As the next heat in the 200m freestyle is called, Sousuke can't help glancing at Rin. Tomorrow they'll swim together in the relay but today Sousuke is here as an observer. Not a mere spectator; as he had spontaneously told Rin earlier, he'll be helping the team prepare for regionals by taking comprehensive notes on Samezuka as well as the opposition. 

"You're not writing anything down?" Rin's brow had shot up as he glanced at Sousuke's hands resting in his pockets. Sousuke took one hand out to tap his own head. "Mental notes, huh." Even as Rin shook his head, he'd grinned. "Okay, thanks, Sousuke." 

They'd shared commentary for a while but when the fly came up late in the morning, Sousuke went to sit on the bleachers and Rin didn't press him. The afternoon is reserved for the free events; they've finally come to the 200m. Sitting in the bleachers again, Sousuke glances at Rin: he's quiet as he stands at the railing, focused intently on the swimmers entering the pool area. He hasn't said anything but Sousuke knows he's especially interested in this race, even though no one from Samezuka is in the heat. 

Sousuke turns his gaze to the pool as well. The truth is, he's especially interested in this race, too. He props a foot up on the row in front of him, rests his elbow on his knee, and picks Makoto out of the group below. He lets his gaze linger over the flex of back muscles as Makoto stretches. Makoto won't look for him in the stands, of course; and even if he did happen to turn Sousuke's way, Sousuke's gaze would just have to slide by him like it did in the locker room earlier when Makoto had passed with a polite, "Hello, Yamazaki," that Sousuke didn't return.

They'd talked about it the night before, when Sousuke had called to wish him luck, "since I won't tomorrow, even if we run into each other." His own words had sounded so much worse when he heard them aloud that Sousuke had flinched. "Will you be okay with that?"

"Of course." Makoto's voice had sounded clear, genuinely fine, and Sousuke had breathed easier again. He could hear the smile as Makoto had added, "I'll probably still say hello to you if that happens, though."

"I know you will." 

Sousuke hadn't meant it as a joke but Makoto had laughed anyhow and said, "Sorry."

"Anyhow," Sousuke had said, not sure what Makoto was apologizing for, "good luck tomorrow."

Makoto had thanked him, they'd said good night, and that had been that. Except that maybe Sousuke had stared at the ceiling for a while after climbing into bed, practicing how not to react if Makoto were to say hi to him the next day. 

Now he watches Makoto mount the starting block. He has a middle lane, 5, which means his qualifying time must have been promising; Sousuke can't help feeling a measure of pride that their secret training is paying off already. 

The swimmers take their marks; the signal comes: Makoto's dive start doesn't look bad at all and he's in front as he comes up. As he starts down the straightaway, it looks to Sousuke like all the time he spent working with Makoto on finishing the stroke was worth it: he looks strong, efficient, fast—

Too fast. Even before the first turn, it's obvious he's going way too fast. In fact, as the race develops he's pretty much doing everything wrong for 200m. It's like he's trying to sprint something that's not a sprint, and Sousuke can't understand what he's seeing because he knows Makoto knows how to race this distance—he's done it in backstroke so just because he's never raced 200m freestyle, it's not like he's completely unfamiliar with the concept of pacing mid-distance...but you'd never know it looking at him now. He's not pacing himself, not strategizing—that kid is not even thinking at all, as far as Sousuke can tell.

Sousuke feels lost as he watches the trainwreck unfold. Makoto told him he intended to race Nanase seriously. That's why Sousuke had offered to help him. Not because he was so desperate to see Nanase defeated—Rin would take care of that himself—but because in that moment he'd been inspired by the way Rin himself had helped Iwatobi's fly swimmer. That was how it had started, anyhow... If anything, Sousuke's investment has only gotten stronger as the nature of his relationship with Makoto changed into what they have now.

Now, Sousuke really wants to see Makoto make a race of this, like he said he was going to; he wants to see Makoto turn his dream into a reality, to achieve the goal he's been working so hard towards, to race seriously against the person he respects more than anyone else in the water, to understand that person in a way that maybe he never has before... 

But Makoto is not racing seriously; he's not really even racing at all. He's swimming, yeah, but he's not _racing_ , because if he actually intended to race, he would be paying a lot more attention to what he's doing— _because if you are out that far in front of the best swimmer in the field and this isn't your race, Makoto, you might want to slow the hell down and pace off him first before trying to win_... 

And then the inevitable happens: Makoto does slow down, but not of his own volition. It's painful but Sousuke makes himself keep watching until Makoto's hand touches the wall, well out of first, before he looks away. 

 

In the 100m free, Rin also loses to Nanase. "You can't lose races like that," Sousuke says in the locker room after. Rin is bordering on cheerful but then Sousuke realizes it's not that he's happy about losing; he's just psyched up to do better himself. He made it through to regionals on time anyhow, so Sousuke lets it go at that. 

 

That night, he turns off his phone so he can focus himself for the relay tomorrow. It's not like he and Makoto talk every day, anyhow, so it's fine. 

 

He doesn't see Makoto until they're poolside for the 400 medley relay the next day. Obviously Makoto won't say hello to him here and it's pointless to wonder if he would have said hello in the locker room, so Sousuke stops thinking about it.

He can't help watching Makoto's start, though: his timing is off. Sousuke's jaw closes, slides off-center as he watches Makoto. It's not just the start that's off; he's not moving through the water the way Sousuke's seen him do, he's not on his game today—

Sousuke closes his eyes, relaxes his jaw, breathes in; breathes out. He misses how the backstrokers come to the wall but, as he watches the second leg unfold and takes his own position on the starting block, thinks it must have been close. Not that it matters: with him swimming third and Rin anchoring, there's no way Samezuka will lose. 

And they don't. But it doesn't feel like how he thought it might, how he wanted it to. He doesn't know exactly what he was expecting but from the way Rin has always talked about relays, especially the way not only Rin but others talk about that one at prefecturals last year—maybe Sousuke had unrealistic expectations. Or maybe it's something not everyone can feel; maybe he's one of the ones who can't.

He high-fives Rin in return anyhow. Catching Sousuke's grin, Rin punches his shoulder lightly. "That was amazing, right?" When Sousuke doesn't respond right away, Rin tries shifting gears, as if he's remembering what Sousuke said about relays when they were kids. "See what can happen when you put yourself into your swimming?" 

Even as he's accepting the compliment, Sousuke can't help thinking about Makoto's performance yesterday. He casts a furtive glance towards the Iwatobi group, his gaze only catching Makoto's back. It's like Makoto had flung himself so recklessly into his swimming, he somehow hadn't been in it at all—like he'd lost himself in it instead of finding himself. 

He doesn't realize his irritation is showing until Rin says, "I bet you'd get along with them if you gave them a chance."

When Rin breaks away from their group as Nanase comes over, presumably to congratulate him, Sousuke watches with a sidelong gaze. He kind of gets it, what Makoto said about how Nanase inspires rather than interferes with... At least when it comes to Rin, he kind of gets it. He doesn't get it at all when it comes to Makoto. 

 

The next evening, he meets Makoto outside the station one stop before Samezuka. As they start walking, Makoto congratulates him on the relay and grins. "It looks like we might have a rematch at regionals," he says, since Iwatobi managed to qualify on time. 

"Will you swim seriously if that happens?" Sousuke only hears the words after they're out of his mouth.

Makoto still has a smile even as his brows arch. "Yes, of course!"

This time Sousuke knows what he's going to say and doesn't stop himself. "It's just that, after the way you swam in the freestyle, I don't know what you mean when you say that." He comes to a stop, rubs the back of his neck, looks away from Makoto's fading smile. "It was painful to watch you swim like that, Makoto," he says, which is not what he means even if it was true at the time. "You're in perfect health, right? So that's not—" He breaks off, pushes on without pause to the heart of it: "I can't understand you." He's tried and he can't, but he does know Makoto has become someone he really wants to understand. "What were you thinking? _Were_ you even thinking? I helped you because I believed you were serious. All that time we put in—" Overwhelmed by how helpless he suddenly feels, Sousuke's gaze slips farther down. "What a colossal waste..." 

He gathers himself and looks up again:

Makoto's mouth has come open, his brow arched in surprise and confusion more than anything else. He's looking at Sousuke. He's not saying anything.

Sousuke has to look away from that face. The words are out there; even if he took them back, it's not like he could make it as if he never said them. The best he can do is change their direction, from Makoto to himself: "Maybe it was my fault. I thought you understood how to swim mid-distance races, so I didn't go over that with you; even if you can race two hundred meter backstroke properly, that wouldn't necessarily translate to the crawl—I should have thought of that instead of only working on actual technique..."

He looks back now and this time can't read Makoto's clouded expression.

Then Makoto bows formally, his hands tight fists at his sides. "Thank you for helping me improve, Yamazaki." Sousuke flinches at the use of his last name. "But you don't know me," he says as he straightens up; even though Sousuke has been thinking something similar, the words cut into him, curl up cold and hard in his stomach. Makoto's face is impassive, unreadable. "You don't know my reasons for swimming. So I hope you will be able to accept my word that I am satisfied with how I swam." He smiles then, nothing more than polite. "I'll be on my way, then." Before Sousuke can say anything, he turns and walks back the way they've just come.

Sousuke waits a while, until he hears a train rumbling in the direction of Iwatobi, before returning to the station himself.

Back at his room, he keeps his phone in his hand as he lies on the top bunk; he keeps looking at it even though he knows Makoto won't call or text. He's not sure if Makoto would accept a call or read a text from him right now, but he doesn't even know what he'd say anyhow. He's worried they've broken up; he's worried that maybe Makoto doesn't think there was anything to break up, that he didn't think they were really together in the first place. They weren't boyfriends or anything but they were _something_ , or at least Sousuke thought they were. They never talked about it; he just assumed Makoto thought so too. 

"Hey, have you ever—" Looking at the ceiling now, he bites off the first words that come to mind, alters the sentence to something else: "Let swimming come between you and someone you care about? Not like when we were at Sano. More than that..." He drifts to a stop.

Rin's voice wafts up from the lower bunk. "I thought you didn't like hearing about me and Haru."

"This isn't about you and Nanase." _Not everything is about you and Nanase, you know._ He doesn't add that and wonders why he can hold back with Rin when he couldn't with Makoto.

"What happened—is that what's been going on with your swimming lately?"

"What?" Sousuke props up and looks over the railing. "No, that's." He shakes his head. "No."

Rin leans out enough to look straight up at him. "Then who are we talking about?"

Sousuke lies back and looks at the ceiling again. He never said they weren't talking about him but he doesn't correct Rin. "No one."

"Then what are we talking about?" There's a rustling, a light thud as Rin's feet hit the floor. He must have stood up because his hand comes into Sousuke's peripheral view, resting on the rail. "What even is this conversation?"

Sousuke rolls onto his side to meet Rin's eyes. "I don't know." It's not entirely a lie and he grins helplessly.

With a snort of laughter, Rin sits back down on the lower bunk. "Well," he says, an undercurrent beneath the lightness of his tone, "you know where to find me if you ever want to have a conversation where you do know."

 

Days go by without Makoto until it's been a week. Sousuke knows the first move is his to make, but he doesn't know what that move should be, or if there even is one... so he puts his energy into swimming, getting ready for the relay at regionals. 

He's coming back from the pool when he hears Rin talking to someone around the corner and figures he came outside to make a call—and then he stops when he recognizes Makoto's voice saying something about regionals. Sousuke leans against the building without turning the corner.

"You don't have to thank me," Rin is saying now. "I did this just as much for us as I did for you: I want Samezuka to beat Iwatobi because we're superior swimmers, not because we have better scouts." Makoto laughs and then Rin's voice turns serious. "Hey, can I ask you about something? Only it's kind of a sensitive topic so you might not want to talk about it..." 

For a moment, Sousuke thinks Rin has figured out their conversation from the other night. He catches his breath but before Rin can go on, Makoto says, "Not you, too!" 

"Not me too what?"

"You're going to ask me about the two hundred meter free, right?"

"I wasn't... but now that you brought it up..." Rin pauses and when Makoto doesn't say anything, seems to take it as permission to continue. "Well, I mean, your form was looking pretty good at first. Definitely better than I remember seeing it. But the way you played the race—" There's an audible breath that Sousuke imagines must be Rin's. "I know you were serious about it because Haru told me earlier that you asked him to swim seriously." His voice gets softer but Sousuke can still hear him clearly: "I really wanted to see that." And then his tone returns to normal as he says, "I mean, I love watching you swim backstroke. But a freestyle race between a serious Haru and a serious Makoto—man, I would've liked seeing that..."

The smile in Rin's voice is audible and Makoto laughs. "Whatever you're imagining is probably better than any reality. I can't touch Haru in the water, not in freestyle anyhow." His tone is light but his words make Sousuke's heart sink.

If they have the same effect on Rin, Sousuke can't hear it. "Maybe not. But to see you try, to see you give him a race—it's not about whether you would've won that time; it's about how hard you could've tried." There's a pause before he adds, "I know, that's pretty rich coming from me." And then a cocked grin Sousuke doesn't have to see to know is there. "Just accept the hard earned wisdom of my experience. Besides," his voice serious again, "I think I know what it could've meant to Haru because I know what it meant to me when Sousuke finally got serious the other day. In the last few strokes, it didn't matter whose hand touched first..."

There's an undercurrent to the words that makes Sousuke frown instinctively but it slips away before he fully catches it. 

Anyhow, Makoto is talking: "Haru has you for that." His tone is light and cheerful but Sousuke isn't fooled.

Rin isn't either. "So it's true then?" He hesitates. "You're jealous of me—because of Haru?" He sounds so unhappy that, if Sousuke weren't trying to even out his own emotions at this revelation, he'd tell Rin to just forget those Iwatobi boys once and for all.

Makoto sighs. "A little, yeah." Then he says something Sousuke doesn't catch.

"Don't be mad at Nagisa," Rin says. Sousuke thinks that's Iwatobi's breaststroker, the little blond with the surprising reach at the finish: Hazuki.

"No, I'm not mad. I didn't ask him not to say anything to anyone, after all. I just..." Another sigh. "Who else did he—never mind. In any case, I'm sorry the race disappointed you." With anyone else, Sousuke would suspect sarcasm but Makoto sounds completely sincere.

"The race didn't disappoint me. You didn't disappoint me, Makoto, okay? Even though I didn't understand what you were doing, because I know you're better than that—when I saw your face at the end..." Rin trails off, a kind of wonder in his voice. "When I saw you there, I knew you had your reasons for doing what you did. So how could I be disappointed?" 

Sousuke's stomach bottoms out, realizing just how far away he is from understanding Makoto; he didn't look for the right things, didn't misread Makoto's expression or body language so much as he failed to read him at all. It seems he had looked away at the end and missed the most important part of the whole race. 

"Rin~ thank you." 

He wasn't the one to put it there, but Sousuke is suddenly able to breathe easier as he hears a genuine smile come back to Makoto's voice.

"I don't know if this will make sense..." Makoto pauses for long enough that Rin says he doesn't have to explain if he doesn't want to; and also for Rin to add that he definitely wants to listen if Makoto wants to try. 

Sousuke wants to listen, too. He slides down carefully until he's sitting on the ground, weight resting back against the building.

Makoto takes an audible breath. "I don't know if you'll be able to understand this because Haru has always seen you this way, but I asked him to swim against me seriously because—I guess because I wanted to know he takes me seriously in the water. The way he takes you. Because water is pretty much the most important thing to him, right? I wanted..." Sousuke imagines Makoto looking up at the sky the way he sometimes does. "I wanted to know what it felt like, to be taken seriously by Haru."

After a wordless moment he goes on, "I couldn't tell him that. So I just said I planned to beat him, even though I knew I couldn't. You're right, Rin; you and everyone else who thought I didn't swim to race—" The edge of Makoto's tone makes Sousuke think that means him, and then he wonders if it's just wishful thinking that he—that his words would mean enough to Makoto to put such an edge there. "When I asked Haru to race me seriously," Makoto continues, "he asked me why I swim. I didn't answer him then. Maybe it was on my mind in the water that day, even if I didn't realize it. Maybe that race was my answer: I swam to swim."

He sounds as if he's talking to himself but Rin responds anyhow: "Not racing but swimming freely." He sounds thoughtful. "Something like that?"

It doesn't make sense to Sousuke, but it must to Makoto because his tone is pleased as he says, "Something like that, yeah."

The quiet that follows doesn't feel uncomfortable. Sousuke lets his head touch the wall as he leans back farther, tipping his face to the sky.

Rin is the one to break the silence. "But you know, there's nothing for you to be jealous of." When Makoto doesn't respond, Rin says, "I mean, you do know that, right?" Whatever response Makoto gives, if he does give one, is inaudible and the next voice is still Rin's: "Because." He sounds intent and Sousuke imagines him standing directly in front of Makoto now, maybe even reaching out to take hold of his arms. "Your relationship with Haru is very important to him. I may not understand it completely but I do know that much, and I hope you do too." He hesitates. "You know, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for you two to try talking to each other using words more often..."

Makoto breezes past the trailed off sentence with another laugh. "I'm not sure I fully understand the relationship between _you_ and Haru!" His voices drops into a soft sincerity. "And I bet he doesn't fully understand the one between you and me." 

Sousuke isn't sure he understands the relationships between any of them; and least of all his own place.

A snort of laughter puffs from Rin. "What's not to understand? You and I have always made perfect sense." Sousuke would bet he has a full on, open mouthed grin now. "So listen, since we're okay, do you want to hang around? Sousuke went to the pool but that was a while ago, so he should be back soon and we can all hang out together."

Sousuke doesn't realize he's been holding his breath until Makoto says, "I should be going, but maybe another time. Thanks again for the scouting reports."

"Another time, then." Rin sounds like he's trying to extract a promise and Sousuke sees, as he hasn't before, just how much Rin would like for his friends to have a chance to get along. 

"Sure, maybe," Makoto says, noncommittal and light, just heavy enough to make Sousuke's heart sink a little more.

Sousuke waits a few minutes after he hears Rin go inside before pretending he's just arrived. In their room, Rin doesn't say anything about Makoto so neither does Sousuke.

 

A few nights later—a week since Makoto thanked him and walked away; ten days since the race at the tournament—Sousuke stands at the bottom of the steps that, on one side, lead up to Makoto's house and on the other to Nanase's. He looks from one path to the other. Where will Makoto be now, with his best friend or with his family? If Sousuke guesses wrong, of course, he only has to retrace his steps and go up the other side. But if he's wrong, it will mean he knows Makoto even less than he has been able to imagine so far. So, for himself, he has to get this right.

He takes a deep breath, makes a choice, climbs the steps, walks up to the house, knocks on the door.

Moments later, it's opened by Mr. Tachibana, who squints as he searches for and comes up with Sousuke's name: "Ah... Yamazaki, right?" 

Sousuke nods. "Hello, sir. I'm sorry for coming by this late. Is Makoto home?"

"Yes, I'll just call him for you. Would you like to wait inside?"

"I'm fine here, thank you."

There's nothing to lean on, so Sousuke puts his hands in his pockets as he waits. 

Even though his father must have told him who was at the door, Makoto looks surprised to see Sousuke. He comes outside, closing the door behind him. He hasn't said anything yet but at least he hasn't turned Sousuke away, so Sousuke starts with his rehearsed apology for coming over unannounced. "I didn't think you would want to see me if I called..."

"So you decided just to show up at my door?" Makoto arches a brow but he doesn't really sound mad.

Even so, this isn't working. Sousuke should go—but before he can say that, Makoto's tone softens. "It's fine. I was going to call you anyhow, to apologize—"

"No," Sousuke says quickly. "I'm the one who needs to apologize. For what I said to you, about that race." It's his turn to bow formally. He keeps his head lowered. "You're right, Makoto: I don't know everything about you. I think I don't know very much at all. But if you'll let me, I'd like to learn more..." 

He didn't rehearse this part; he doesn't know how to go on now or if he's said too much already.

He straightens up. Makoto is just looking at him and, as he looks back, Sousuke thinks that no matter what happens next, he's not sorry he came here, he's not sorry for anything he's said just now. 

He's not even sorry when Makoto's gaze slides away, up into the starry sky. 

Then: "I don't know if you know this, but I like to walk at night." Makoto looks down from the stars and smiles.

All Sousuke can say is, "Is that so?", which is fucking stupid but of all the things he thought Makoto might say, he never considered that one.

Makoto nods.

"Then—" Sousuke hopes he's reading this right "—would you like to go for a walk now? With me?"

Makoto smiles and nods again. "I'll get my shoes."

Sousuke looks up into the night sky while Makoto does that, wondering whether Makoto's fascination is more with the bright glimmers or with the fathomless dark between them.

They start down the steps wordlessly. It makes Sousuke think about that first time they held hands. He glances over at Makoto, takes a chance, reaches for him; feels Makoto's fingers fit into place and curl around him.

When they get to street level, he says, "Take me to your favorite place—no, your second favorite place to go at night."

"My second favorite place?" Makoto's brows go up, then settle in thought. "All right." Still holding hands, they start walking again and wind up at the shore. 

Makoto lets go of his hand to settle on the sand, knees bent and hands back for support, but Sousuke remains standing. "I thought you only come here at night with Nanase." He can't keep the notes of uncertainty out of his voice; Makoto has to have heard them. 

The uncertainty has created an awkwardness Sousuke expects Makoto to ease with one of his laughs, but Makoto looks completely serious as he says, "To run, yeah. But you and I are sitting."

So Sousuke drops down to sit beside him. He glances at Makoto, follows his eye line out to the ocean, to the light of the stars and the moon tangled in the waves as they swell and crest, crash and roll back.

He dares another glance at Makoto, lingers this time, sort of meditates on it. When you look at Makoto's face, it seems to be an open book. What he's thinking, what he's feeling: it's easy to read.

That's what Sousuke thought up until a few days ago. He's starting to realize how much more there is to it; how much more there is to Makoto. Those feelings on his face are real but they're not everything. There are hidden depths—no, to be consistent with the metaphor, there are unturned pages. Sousuke wonders how many people even know about the pages, let alone have turned them… "You're an enigma, Makoto."

Makoto's brows go up at he looks over. "What? No, I'm not." He smiles. "Anyhow, you're the one who's the enigma." It's Sousuke's turn to challenge with an arched brow, which makes Makoto's grin flash wider before he turns serious. "You say you've been scouted but you don't say where, or even if you've accepted."

Sousuke's brow quirks higher. "You think I'm lying?"

"No," Makoto says. "I think you're enigmatic."

Sousuke can't help grinning as he lies back, one hand supporting his head. If Makoto has been thinking this about him, it means Makoto has been thinking about him. There are things he hasn't told Makoto; they each have things they haven't told the other yet, and they both wonder about those things. "Good."

There's a shift in Makoto's gaze as he continues looking at Sousuke. It's so open, Sousuke feels like it might open him up, and he doesn't know what he might say if it does.

So he comes up with the first thing he can think of to say. "Will you swim with me?"

Makoto casts a glance out at the ocean. "Now?" 

"No." Sousuke formulates the idea even as he's saying it. "Tomorrow, at Samezuka."

"I thought you thought training me was 'a colossal waste'." Makoto tries to soften the direct quote with a grin and Sousuke can see he regrets the words, which may have been an attempted joke; but not as much as Sousuke regrets saying them in the first place.

There's no use getting caught in a cycle of guilt over those stupid words but Sousuke can't pretend he didn't hear them just now. So he says, "We won't be training." 

"Then what will we be doing?"

"Just come swim with me," Sousuke says.

Makoto's hand finds his in the sand, and Sousuke takes that for answer enough.

 

The next night Makoto comes late enough that they have the pool to themselves, as usual. Once they're in the water, Sousuke turns to face the starting block in his lane and takes hold of the handles. When Makoto gives him a curious look, Sousuke says, "Race me."

There's still curiosity in the grin but Makoto latches onto the handles of his starting block too and only asks the distance. "One hundred meters," Sousuke says and Makoto nods, starts to pull up into position. "Makoto." When Makoto looks over, Sousuke says, "I plan to beat you. So race me seriously."

Makoto laughs. "The back isn't your stroke, though. I know you're good, Sousuke, but—"

"Race me seriously." Sousuke doesn't laugh or even smile.

Even though Makoto turns his head to the other side, his words are clear enough when they come back: "I know what you're doing."

"In that case, race me seriously."

He's half-expecting another grin as Makoto looks at him now—but there's no trace of a smile, nothing but determination in Makoto's eyes.

The thrill of that look sparks something in Sousuke's blood.

"Count us down," Makoto says.

Heated thrill spreading through him, Sousuke does.

His own start is good, he thinks, their reaction times too close to call, but Makoto is clearly in front as they surface. It's only to be expected: Makoto competes backstroke regularly so, even though Sousuke has a decent backstroke, Makoto is going to have the advantage in the subtleties—the start, timing the turns, the turns themselves—and those subtleties are sure to give him the edge in the end. Still, Sousuke can probably catch him on the straightaways and he goes for it now. 

And that's when he feels it. Rin had mentioned it once, that as a kid Makoto had an intense, almost primal presence in the water that somehow made you think of an orca when you swam with him. It hadn't made sense to Sousuke at the time but it does now. He's never felt this from Makoto before, although he thought maybe he'd seen a glimpse of it on the first day of the tournament. 

But seeing it from the safety of the spectator stands is nothing to being one lane over, in the same water. A thrill flashes through him, cold and then heating up, and Sousuke feels spurred on. He forgets everything, to check his strokes or his breathing or even his distance from the wall, and swims, just fucking _swims_ ; he forgets his shoulder and swims, swims as if his life depends on it—and in a way, maybe, it does; swims for the pureness of moving through the water~

It's not really close, in a competitive sense—but as Sousuke touches the wall and straightens up, breathless, he looks over and sees Makoto trying to catch his breath as well: as he promised to, Makoto went all out against him. Still breathing too hard for words as the thrill dissipates in his blood, Sousuke grins.

Makoto catches the grin and returns it. "All right, you've made your point."

"Actually." Sousuke pauses to take the breath he needs for these words. "I think you've made yours."

Inexpressible emotion dawns across Makoto's face. His smile—oh, Sousuke wants to get to know Makoto so much better, so he can say and do things that will make this smile come out more. Ducking under the divider, he presses against Makoto as he comes up, meeting him in a kiss as they wrap around each other.

The kiss slips inside Sousuke and slides through him, throughout him, making his toes curl, his cock thrum. Makoto exhales and Sousuke swallows his mutated breath, inhales Makoto, and his lungs feel heavy and light at the same time. They haven't been together for over a week but that's not it, or anyhow not all of it. What he's feeling right now is the thrill he felt when they raced, reigniting differently, heat intensifying.

Sousuke pulls back from the kiss and, still grinding against Makoto, asks him what he wants. 

"You know what I want." There is, if not an innocence, a purity to Makoto's flushed, fluttering gaze.

"Tell me," Sousuke murmurs, nudging his knee between Makoto's legs and pressing up, biting back a moan of his own at the way Makoto arches and flushes even hotter. "You know I like hearing you say it."

"I want you—" Makoto breaks off to whimper, to roll his hips helplessly against Sousuke. "I want you to suck my cock." He swallows hard. "Please~"

It's the "please," somehow, that undoes Sousuke. He wants to sink to his knees immediately, to wrap his lips around Makoto's cock and feel that solid heat filling his mouth, nudging the back of his throat—but, even though they did it right here the first time, Sousuke thinks he's already too breathless to try it underwater again just now.

So he says, "Do you want to go to the showers?"

Makoto smiles, slides his mouth into a perfect fit with Sousuke's, licks his response onto Sousuke's tongue. "Okay," he says with words this time when they part.

They climb out of the pool, hands latching together as they walk to the showers because, Sousuke knows, Makoto likes holding hands. And he likes it too.

Outside the shower, Sousuke strips out of his legskin and glances at Makoto doing the same. Makoto still gets shy about his body sometimes. This doesn't seems like one of those times he'll need positive reinforcement but anyhow Sousuke says, "You have a really nice body."

Makoto smiles as he looks over. The blush doesn't start until he lets his gaze skim down Sousuke's body and back up. A hint of his smile returns when their eyes meet again. "You do, too." 

As Makoto turns away to finish undressing, Sousuke adjusts the water temperature in the shower stall and steps in. He turns to welcome Makoto with a kiss, cupping the back of his neck with one hand, slipping the other between them to wrap around Makoto's cock, breathing heavier and arching into the touch as he feels Makoto's hand wrap around him in turn. Breaking the kiss, he looks down to watch them stroking each other. "Do you want to come like this?" 

Eyes closed, Makoto shakes his head and lets go but Sousuke doesn't. He thinks that if he wants to hear it, he might have to ask Makoto to say it again; and he also thinks he probably won't do that, not this time.

Then Makoto says, soft and shameless, "I want you to go down on me." 

Sousuke goes to his knees. Looking up through the spray of water, he holds Makoto's wordless gaze for a deep inhale and slow exhale. Then the water drops weight his lashes and he closes his eyes as he bows his head, moistens his lips, and kisses the tip of Makoto's cock. He parts his lips and licks the drops, thicker than water, beading on the slit. Between the water from the pool and the shower, Makoto's skin is slick enough that Sousuke can open wider and go down without coming off to lick the shaft first. There's a chlorinated tinge to Makoto's natural musk but it doesn't bother Sousuke and he begins to suck in earnest. 

When he feels Makoto's hand in his hair, Sousuke tries to open his throat and take Makoto in deeper; Makoto is thick enough that it can be a challenge, even when Sousuke wants it as badly as he does right now. This time he gags a little, enough to prevent him from taking Makoto in the way he wants to but not enough to make him pull off all the way. He settles for nursing the head while stroking Makoto's cock from the base to where it disappears into this mouth.

Makoto is usually pretty quiet but now his needy little moans and whimpers are making it through the sound of water hitting the tiles around them, and going straight to Sousuke's cock. He takes his other hand from Makoto's hip to wrap around himself, fisting his own cock with the same rhythm he's using on Makoto.

He opens his eyes when Makoto's hand leaves him. He's told Makoto before that it's okay to tighten his grip in Sousuke's hair as much as he needs to, that it's okay if he tugs or pulls a little; and sometimes Makoto does, but sometimes he also lets go completely, like now. Sousuke glances up and then dares to tilt back slightly without disrupting his sucking. Just enough to take in the sight of Makoto: flushed, one arm curved above him on the wall, heel of the other palm pressed to the tile as his fingers dig against it; head to the side, lips parted and eyes closed, brow drawn as if with intense focus—his whole body focused on his cock in Sousuke's mouth. 

Sousuke's hand stops moving on himself, wanting only to hold on for a moment as he looks at Makoto like this. The surface shifts in his imagination and he's not kneeling to Makoto but above him, with Makoto stretched out like that beneath him; he imagines being over Makoto, inside him, and Sousuke gets a little shaky, scared and turned on at the same time by the thought, and he comes before he knows he's going to.

As his own orgasm subsides, Sousuke devotes himself to bringing Makoto off, taking him deeper than he thought he could today, even if not as deeply as he's been able to once or twice before. He nods as well as he can when Makoto asks if he wants to swallow this time, and takes it all as Makoto starts to come; sucks and swallows and gently licks him clean before standing up.

Arms fallen to his sides, Makoto looks blissed out as he stays braced against the wall. Sousuke wants to kiss him but he's not sure how Makoto would feel about the taste of his own come; he hasn't tried anything like that with Makoto yet. So he settles for brushing his fingers through Makoto's hair, slicking back the wet strands. Makoto opens his eyes with a languid, easy smile. He glances down: "Oh, you came already."

"Yeah." As he looks at Makoto like this Sousuke wants to kiss him so fucking badly; he settles for pressing his lips to Makoto's brow. Makoto sighs contentment and they stay like that a moment longer before Sousuke suggests they wash up.

As they're getting dressed after, Makoto says, "Hey, will you teach me that? How to do it better, I mean? Because I want to be good at it for you..." He blushes, lashes sweeping down as he lowers his gaze.

"Sure, we can practice it as much as you want." 

Sousuke knows he kept a straight face but Makoto is getting good at reading him because lets out a soft puff of laugher as he grins. Even so, there's a sincerity to his, "Thank you, Sousuke," that makes Sousuke want to kiss that smile—and, with one of his own, he does.

~

  
beautiful art by [clockworkmoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkmoon/pseuds/clockworkmoon) ([@tumblr](http://jensuisdraws.tumblr.com/))  



End file.
